October 27th Apostrophe report: 2005. The most egregious misuse of an apostrophe was to be found in a review of the new Fiery Furnaces album on Monday morning, which lost any integrity it might have held by its fourth word, the plural "years," inexplicably modified to a possessive "year's." The online article has since been corrected, but seriously: If you're going to write some crappy article about something you clearly never cared about in the first place, at least pretend to have some dignity and get your punctuation straight. Similarly, there is an ad on the subway for "Gorgeous, Looking Skin." This is to say that "Looking" is actually another adjective, and that if you undergo the advertised treatment, your skin will not only become beautiful, but it will also be able to help find your keys in the morning. Wow epidermis. Can you believe it. Uh so also I wake up in the morning and I put on NPR and listen to people talk about the news. Here is someone that I really cannot listen to anymore: Your beloved Carl Kasell. Yes, I am sure he is the sweetest man, and we have all fantasized about being his grandchild, or having him record our answering machine greetings. He is an excellent journalist with an accomplished career, and I regard him with the utmost respect, but let's talk about this: Mouth sounds. I do not know why, but without fail, when Mr. Kasell speaks, I hear no words. Only mouth sounds going into the microphone, through the air, and coming out of my radio. It pretty much makes me a terrible person, but this is how I feel. Also a way that I feel is that I don't actually want to buy any bootleg DVDs, even if they are being yelled about in my ear on the 6 train, and yes, EVEN if one of the categories is porn. I don't know what to be for Halloween. I wish I could figure out a costume for the terrifying spectre of postgraduate unemployment. I want to be Rachel Ray, but I feel like that might involve me cavorting around town with a kitchen knife and a layered wig, which is probably not publicly acceptable. I don't know. Maybe I can switch the knife for a bottle of E.V.O.O. ("That's extra virgin olive oil!") and a cocktail glass. Because god knows the lady loves her cocktail hour on $40 a Day. Frick yes.
October 11th Yesterday Christina Costello and I had Nerd Vacation Day, in that we sat and made things with our computers for hours, each hour more exciting than the last. If you think that making excellent web graphics is not exciting, then you probably also think that there is nothing lamer. UNTIL you find out that we culminated this day with the extended edition of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Apparently Robert Bringhurst just published this new book of poems through the NY Center for Book Arts. They say that this edition will be no larger than 60 books, although, yes: it may actually be less. The running retail price one of these books is $1,900, which you are probably like "ridiculous!" about, except that Robert Bringhurst wrote The Elements of Typographic Style, which is seriously a bible for people who care about pretty much anything. I am going to say right now that if I had a problem I would look in that book for an answer instead of any other one, including the real bible. If Bob Vila were building your deck, you would totally pay $1,900 for it. You see. You know quality. ALSO I have been meaning to say something about birds in art lately. For the last couple of years, if you saw a graphic or a drawing of a bird, you would be like "Oh, how nice, a bird is adorning this image and/or text. It makes me feel pretty and delicate and free, just like a bird." At my job though, I am going through a bunch of emerging artists' work, and tons of them put a cute bird picture in their slide sheets of drawings. And I'm like, "did you draw this because its imagery is important to you, or are you copying something you saw in a magazine." And neighborhoodies is like "we are passing out tote bags that say our name with a silhouette of a bird perched on it." And at this point, I'm pretty much like ISN'T THIS A LITTLE TOO 2003. Evidence: I made this picture in 2003.
October 5th Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Danya Goodman Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman Gabriele Wohl Chava Kronenberg Danya Goodman. Yes. Yes, see Google. This is where they are. They are on the internet. Hello, if you have filled out a society profile and, in the words of Nora Metzger, been "waiting for like... well, like, two years" for it to finally go up, then that wait is OVER. That is, if you are my friend. There is something about this website where if I don't know the person who is filling out the form, I feel kind of weird about placing them with people who I do know. I pretty much cannot figure out who these non-friends are and plug all their bootleg html into a massive text file, not to mention weave a magical and complicated rendering of their person via 5 second touchpad pencil GIF drawings in photoshop. Which is WHY. I keep things So Low Tech. And definitely not because I do not know how to do anything high tech. One time I read this article about the Fiery Furnaces, and the interviewer was like "Your website has such a minimalist and simple appearance, it's only one page, and it is just a list of tour dates!" and Eleanor Friedberger was like "Um, that's because I do the band's website and I know about 3 things in HTML." I was like THAT IS AWESOME. Also as a note I should say that their website is like, 100% flash now, so it is pretty much the opposite, but um, I am going to say that I prefer Eleanor's site. The other day I went to the Canal Street post office for my job and then when I was returning this man on the street said to me "You're ugly. That's ok. I like ugly girls. Means you got more on the INSIDE." I was like "Wow, I wish I had something better than an envelope of rejected international postage coupons to comfort me at this time." But I guess I don't REALLY need anything else. I mean, since I apparently have so much more on the INSIDE. It is ok, though, because the next day this man was on the street again but he spent all the time it took me to walk to the post office and back screaming on a cell phone at his son about how he was going to whip him, among other things. I was like, "Well at least all of Wooster Street does not think that I am So So Nutbar and Prone to Child Abuse." My thesis is on the internet now, that is pretty much the most exciting thing of today. It is called Disposable. I wanted it to be my GESAMTKUNSTWERK but I think I would have to do that whole cathedral thing, where it is the all-encompassing Total Work Of Art. I tried to have a Merzbau in my room last year, and that was pretty awesome, but it was not a Gesamtkunstwerk. It was basically a pile of boxes and used tissues, with some other things like old cookies and underwear thrown into it. Tomorrow I am working at the food coop for my monthly cashier position for 3 hours. I just want to say that I gave them my $25 joining fee and they continually insist that I did not. I would refute this except that I am unable to locate my receipt that proves it. I feel like this is not going to be the first time that the coop will forget that I gave them money, just as I will lose many more receipts.

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