This Month

2007

SNAP COUNTRY USA
WHY READ THE INTERNET
ANYWHERE ELSE

DING

November 22

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Today I am thankful for Kelly Green Crocs, New Seasons, Portland, cheese, and fine ales, everywhere! Update on Laura's plane adventures: She emailed me to say that she got home, but that her flight was almost out of gas because the PDX - Chicago flight had to circle the Chicago airport for a long time. One of my dad's friends named Dick was on this flight from Denver to Portland that ran out of gas in 1978 and the plane crashed in Gresham: United Flight 173!!!. The part about that flight that is difficult is that 10 people died, and I am sure that they did not want to die, especially in Gresham.

There is a game you can play called Slackjaw. We played it at my job this fall - it's where you stare at someone like this:



And then they stare back at you like that, and the person who can stay like that the longest without laughing is the winner. It is a fun game, except that I am bad at it and laugh after two seconds.

Time to clean my cast iron because I let it get rusty!!!!!!!! I am thankful for: steel wool, and crisco.

November 20

Today was a mistake - there was a wind storm here in Oregon last week and so we had a bunch of power failures. I was not here though, I was with my mom in a Red Lion Inn in Redding, CA. I finally came back and saw that my alarm clock was flashing all crazy, but I didn't set it because I did not have to use it. I could look at my watch. And I am unemployed and desperate right now, so who needs to wake up in the morning anyway.

But today, I DID. I was supposed to wake up at a certain time. So I set the time, and the alarm. The time I set last night: 10.53. The alarm I set for 5.15. I put on the switch, I went to sleep. I woke up and I saw it was light out and I immediately freaked out, because it was 7.20. Here is why the alarm did not go off: When I reset the time, I set it for 10.53 AM, so the clock did not wake me up at 5.15 AM because inside of the clock it thought that it was 5.15 PM. I SHOULD HAVE USED MY WONDER WOMAN WIND UP ALARM CLOCK THAT MAKES A LOUD TICKING SOUND THAT NO ONE CAN STAND.

My friend Laura's plane was supposed to take off at 7.30, I was supposed to take her to the airport at 5.45, and everything was LOST. I drove to her house and she was not there, and so I hope that she is fine. That is really one of the worst things you can do to another person. Just stand them up on an early morning commitment to go to the airport, and not just for any flight: A cross-country flight to go home for Thanksgiving, with a ticket that was a present. The anxiety of whether she made it has been flipping me out all day. My only excuse is that I seriously did not mean for any of this to happen.

So my thorn of today is that. My rose of today is Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen in a video skit called Feminist Bookstore. "I like Ginger, I mean, I love Ginger of course, but I also... only like her." My favorite part is that all the fliers are real ones they just found on a bulletin board in Portland. "You know I've been to a lot of firewalks... where it's not with a certified instructor, and I can tell the difference, you know what I mean? It's like, they just push us out on the coals... it's not spiritual."


November 16

Hello America! I have finished with my job and it was just the best job I've ever had. It was amazing to wake up every day and know that I was not wasting any time, since I did not even have time to shower or use the bathroom. Sometimes it was like being in the army. Except instead of killing people, I was helping 6th graders learn about 19th-century logging tools, mycelium, succession, seed dispersal, and native plant identification, in addition to community building. Also I was employing child management language, and it has taken over my brain. Here is an example of a disciplinary conversation:

"So Jimmy, I just noticed that you were hitting one of your peers with your field study notebook and using inappropriate language, and I wanted to let you know that here at Outdoor School, we expect everyone to keep their hands to themselves and use positive, respectful language so everyone feels safe and is able to learn. I need you to make some better choices about the kinds of behavior you decide to use. What are some things you think you could do to help yourself be successful?"
"Um, I don't know."
"I think you do."
"Um. I could like, not call that guy a... penis head."
"Yes, definitely Jimmy, being responsible for yourself is a wonderful thing to do! Now, I know that you can do that, but I just wanted to let you know that you're on a Level One right now. If the staff has to speak with you again about these issues, there will be consequences, but don't worry about that too much, because I'm sure you'll be able to make good choices. Thanks Jimmy!"

I can't stop thinking about child management language. It's all I want to do. Any time I see a conflict, I want to put someone on a Level One contract. Dude on the bus calling his girlfriend a bitch: Level One! Guy cutting us off on I-5 without using his signal: Level One! Mean woman in a BMW flashing her lights at me because I am walking too slowly through the crosswalk: LEVEL ONE.

I'm currently in San Francisco with my parents right now - I have seen my friends who live here including Besha and Genevieve and Beth and Laura McShane. Laura works as a teacher in a Catholic school so her work stories are filled with entertainment. Beth has a real live iPhone. I touched it, and tried to watch YouTube videos on it! It was the first iPhone I ever have seen in person, and it is beautiful. Genevieve has a mouthguard that she wears at night to protect her teeth from the stress of choosing curtains. Besha has a new apartment with a brown carpet, and we played Set inside of it.

I love Set, I bought it at Finnegan's last weekend and it is amazing, even if I am not very good at it. It makes me feel like I have a low IQ since it takes me forever to find sets. Also the different patterns of cards make me feel like I am having a seizure. This is where you can kind of play it on the internet but the real card game is better.

An update on my life achievements in the last 2 months: I fulfilled a life goal of singing Rich Girl at a karaoke bar in Welches, OR called the Shack. It was really really amazing, and my friends also sang, and danced, and the people of Welches were probably frightened, but I don't care.

I am excited about the winter, I think I am going to wear a uniform and not have any TV so I can experiment with how much time I can free up if I don't have to use it to make any decisions. There is this woman whose show I saw at the Vancouver Art Gallery and her name is Andrea Zittel. The gallery guide told us that her work was partially about the idea of how when we make decisions, we feel like we are being limited - but actually that in making choices, we find liberation. So if I make the easy choices ahead of time, like what to wear every day, or whether or not I should watch a show on the Food Network instead of doing a chore, then maybe I will accomplish more things that make my life better? Not that I wear a huge diverse wardrobe already - last night my mom asked me why I liked watching Project Runway and Tim Gunn's Guide to Style so much if I obviously did not care about the clothes that I put on my own self. OUCH! ZINGER, MOM! Anyway, I'll have to select my uniform soon. It will probably entail overalls and a wool shirt. Maybe a BONNET.

You can't comment but you could email me. Sorry.