| This Month |
| 2007 |
SNAP COUNTRY USA
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December 26Man, I am glad that Christmas is over. I know that for some people, Christmas is like, full of joy, and delight, and even cookies. Recently, for me, Christmastime has not been 100% that. So, it is with great relief that I say, farewell Christmas, please go away for a year. It's just Not My Favorite Holiday. However, Thanksgiving is a good holiday for me, so we could have that multiple times per year, if anyone wanted to.Yesterday I went to see Juno with my family at the Cedar Hills movie theater, and they had the wrong sound channel on for the first like, 7 minutes of the movie. I was really mad, but not mad enough to get up and talk to the manager. Ben was, and he got up, but as soon as he did, the sound came on. I think we all said we were going to ask for our money back or something, but we all forgot because of how much we liked it. My favorite parts of the movie include the best friend who totally does not abandon Juno even though you think she will at the very beginning, and when Juno pukes blue Slushie in Allison Janney's urn. And I am going to make the horrible comparison with Knocked Up. I like Juno more, if only because of the one reason that Juno actually spends time considering having an abortion for more than 8 seconds. Seriously? I have multiple friends who will not see Knocked Up because it devalidates abortion. I find that Juno makes the true, depoliticized point that waiting rooms are really gross, scary, and creepy. However, I know I am kind of terrible because the end of the movie just makes me think "Wow, it's really going to suck when Juno and Paulie break up. Because they will. Where will the Moldy Peaches be for you THEN." Sorry if I ruined the movie for you. Sorry if I ruined Christmas also. Today I went with my friend Josh to the Dick Hannah dealership in Vancouver, WA. Dick Hannah's website is called dicksaysyes.com. I just wanted to say that. Josh wants a Subaru Outback, but it seems he hasn't done any research. We saw a tiny old Honda in the dealership that was surrounded by velvet ropes. I read the sign next to it and it said it was a 2-cylinder engine. I thought that was crazy, and he didn't even know what I was talking about. Even my car, with a toy micro engine, has four cylinders. Whatever, this is nerdery. The point is, you know how when you're a woman, and you go to a dealership, you're "supposed" to bring a dude along to keep the scummy bro car salesmen from stealing all your money? Perhaps. I tried to get my roommate Ed to come along with me one time because he is giant and has cousins in the Russian mob. He wouldn't. Now I am the dude that Josh brings to the Subaru dealership to sniff out the details on the warranty and ask about trade in value. Of course this wouldn't work at any other make of automobile, but thanks to all my gayness, I'm a real authority figure. Also I have driven 3 Subarus. But that is beside the point. |
December 21I won't finish my printed Christmas cards in time so this is a video from me and my cat.Do you want to play the french horn? It's Christmas themed. from bearfax on Vimeo. |
December 18The other night I went to go see The Blow at the Doug Fir and I had never seen either of those things before, so I was excited about it, EXCEPT that when I went to go buy my ticket, they were sold out. So I was pretty mad, and I asked Craigslist to sell me a ticket, and no one would, and I went out on the sidewalk and looked for a ticket, and no one was selling one. So I went into the lounge with my friend and colleague Amanda (who had already gotten her ticket days earlier) and just sat in the bar, feeling mad, and then we just kind of exploded with frustration and went to my car and forged the entry stamp on my wrist with a marker, and a lot of napkin blotting. This actually worked, and I got to see the show, and it was so excellent. Also, right now I have a desire for Michael Cerra and The Blow to have a conversation in front of me.Also: Oregon Party, 2008, will take place on February 16th, which will celebrate the 149th birthday of our state, though its actual day of birth is February 14th. This is a precursor, of course, to THE SESQUICENTENNIAL BIRTHDAY: 2009! Although I am sure that the state has a lot of festivities planned, my 2009 Oregon Party will probably be more huge and glorious than any other party that ever happened on the entire face of the planet.  Also: Don't be fooled. The Jennifer Starkey Homepage has nothing to do with me. Although I do frequently wonder, "Does a Smaller Waist Mean Smelly Breath?" And what is this? jenniferstarkey.com has nothing! Nothing. It's kind of apparent that the jenstarkey.com Jennifer was disappointed to find that our name in domain format has been squandered on a jpg of pink writing. She had to settle for "Jen." I wonder if she finds it as unpleasant as I do. I bet she doesn't. |
December 9I went to Canada for two weeks and ate poutine! And yesterday on the train back to Portland Kelly and I found "TravelMall," which is NOT different from SkyMall at all, except that on the cover, the SkyMall logo has been changed to TravelMall. However, as soon as you open the magazine, it says SkyMall all over it. Many gems were found, including a combination weather station and coffee maker, the ubiquitous pet staircase, and grocery list organizer. It is kind of funny to explain to Canadian people what Hammacher Schlemmer is. "You know? ...Gadgets! And products. For rich people."However, my favorite thing in this issue of SkyMall is Canvas on Demand. I can't really begin to describe how bizarre this concept is, except that if you took Persuasive Images with Pat Berman at Wellesley and have read about the fragmented aura of The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction, then you probably know what I mean. "My Dad was speechless and got teary eyed... he won't stop talking about his BEST GIFT EVER!" You can order your canvas in "Light BrushStrokes™" or "PhotoRealistic™." Ahhh. Maybe for Christmas I will get my brother a Canvas on Demand of a freeze frame from this video. |